Oye!

Today has been challenging for no particular reason. I must have some kind of subconcious drama going on that is affecting my ability to pay attention.

Example #1
This morning I went into the office kitchen to get some coffee. The pot was low so I started to make a new one. I put the filter and the coffee in the holder. For our machine you have to insert the filter into this slide-y slot that holds it over the pot and press start. I just pressed start and then quickly realized that I missed a step and had to stand there holding the filter over the pot till the entire 10 cups of coffee brewed. Luckily there were no eyewitnesses.

THEN
Example #2
I open the cabinet to find MY coffee mug. Not there. Look everywhere. Start speculating about who would take it and not ask. Think about who's office I'll have to walk by and check on my way back to my office. So after about 15 minutes of being in the kitchen (including the brewing incident in Ex. #1) I choose another mug, make my coffee and return to my office. Sit down at my computer, sipping my coffee...my mug is RIGHT NEXT TO ME ON MY DESK.

Example #3
This afternoon I really wanted some hot chocolate. I held off until my 3:30pm snack time and went into the kitchen to make it. Made my coco, went in the fridge to get a cheese stick, went back to my office. Eat my cheese. Can't find my coco. It was in the fridge. Cold coco is not good.

So now it is only 4pm and I'm just waiting for something else to happen. Unfortunately I'm bored at work for the first time in my short career as a LandDiva. Maybe that has something to do with my mindlessness...

Eh...25 things about me

Lately I've been less than inspired to write a real post. No thanks to the 'days of grace' easy cheesy list posts. So although I'm still suffering from writers block I will participate in one of those cut and paste make a list thingies that I keep getting tagged on from Facebook. Because you know I'll never pass up an opportunity to make a list...

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.

1. Nothing grosses me out more than people clipping their nails in public. Tim and I were at Taco Bueno the other day and this old man was CLIPPING HIS NAILS AT THE TABLE. I thought I was going to vomit right there.

2. I really love pandas. If you ask me why I don't have a reason.

3. I would like to live on a dog ranch so I could sit on my front porch and say "see that one there, that's Belle - she's a golden retriever. And that one Puff - he's a Chinese Crested". Just like I do when I'm sitting on my couch watching dog shows on TV.

4. I have a sad addiction to silly juvenile drama/"Reality" shows like Gossip Girl, the NEW 90210, The Hills, The City, and America's Next Top Model.

5. I used to hate coffee, iced tea, and onions. Now I drink a cup of coffee a day, at least 2 glasses of iced tea and use onions in almost every recipe.

6. I love living with Tim, but I really miss my college roommates.

7. I think hugging should replace handshakes.

8. I wear heels everyday all the time. If I'm wearing flats it usually means I'm sick and don't feel good or I'm having a "fat day".

9. I'm so relieved and grateful that my sisters and I are all best friends now. For a couple of years I was losing hope that it would ever happen.

10. At any given time I have at least 10 lipsticks/glosses in my purse.

11. I'm glad that I got married at 22. I really love being married. Waiting a couple of years just to walk down the isle at 25 would have been a mistake. Do it when it feels right...age is a number.

12. I show love and affection through food. If I cook for you I love you.

13. Working out makes me feel powerful and sexy. I didn't used to work out and never really knew what these feeling felt like.

14. I play Magic-The Gathering...and I'm good.

15. I don't know what my "dream job" would be.

16. I don't really like to talk on the phone. My good friends know this about me. Sorry, I'll call you back eventually.

17. I do crossword puzzles for hours. I love them!

18. I want to live in a Pottery Barn store. When we finally get a house I would like to just pick rooms out of the catalog and transplant them to my house.

19. I think college, gas, health care, a cup of coffee, cereal, shampoo, milk, and tampons are way overpriced.

20. I think you can get a pretty good idea of a persons personality, self image, and character by the shoes that they wear.

21. There is a correct way to load a dishwasher.

22. I boycott T.V. shows like The Bachelor/Bachelorette, or any match making show for that matter, because I truly believe that they are creating bad Karma for the female gender.

23. I'm a firm believer the communication is the key to success for any kind of relationship.

24. If you want to buy me a perfect gift...buy me a cook book.

25. I rely on the information on Facebook as if it were a credible journalistic source. If it is on Facebook it is real. Facebook don't lie people!

OK, this list was a little harder to make than I thought it would be. But there you go. I challenge you to make a list too.

Restlessnesses

So around this time of year, every year, no matter what is going on I always get a little restless. Like I'm just itching for some kind of change. I think it is a strange time of year to get this way. Most people feel bummed out in the winter and a bit restless in the spring or summer. Not me, winter time baby...LETS JUMP AROUND!! I really can't put my finger on it. I know that I'm really busy, I've got lots of stuff going on but I just feel like I always need to be moving. Like I have ants in my pants. Like I just drank a pot of coffee by myself. I've been having trouble sleeping but it hasn't made me tired. Some might suggest that I have anxiety...but I've had anxiety/panic attacks in the past and this is a more positive feeling. Not doomy and gloomy but more like skinny jeans and 75% off shoe sales.

Maybe someone laced my tea with speed or prozac...I really like the tapity tap tap sound of the keyboard...

2009 is here and so am I

So 2 days ago I started a "looking back on 2008" post but it conflicted with one of my resolutions so the post was scrapped. This year it is all about now. Living in the moment. Being honest about everything and being a little more selfish about my time. One thing I will say about 2008 is that I learned that I am the most important thing to me. I changed my life by taking my health into my own hands and proving to myself that I can put me first and magically my relationships improved with out me giving too much of myself.

SO... I resolve not to change anything but to enjoy and experience all the changes that happen. To react responsibly to life and not dwell on the past or try to plan the future. As forward thinking as this all sounds it also kinds of freaks me out. It is going to be much harder than I make it sound. But I know that this new path I'm on is the right one and although I am young, now is the best time to start learning about myself and figuring out who I am with the help of wonderful company I keep. I feel confident that all of my relationships will only be strengthened by this resolution.

And in the spirit of living now, I also resolve to stop talking so much. I often talk and talk about my plans...MY PLANS...like that really exists. I get so excited about possibilities of lots of things but I feel like my mouth gets in my way. There is a difference between the law of attraction and the law of annoying. So just to keep all of you guessing I'm not going to yak and yak about things...it kind of gives away a lot of my great post material.

And finally, I resolve to love. I resolve to love unconditionally. Myself, my husband, my family members, my friends, my co-workers, everyone. Love is my religion now. It is the greatest gift of all.

Happy New Year!

confession

This weeks hosting duties have stressed me out a little more than I anticipated. My obsessive list making probably hasn't helped this problem, but it gave my mom something to make fun of me for... ;) The fact that I'm hosting people I love so much makes it much better and I get to show off my new awesomeness in the kitchen!

Merry Christmas to everyone!

I hope the rest of the week is relaxing!

Looking Back to Look Forward

My parents moved from Fort Worth, TX to Denver a little more than a year ago and out of my "childhood from 6th grade through college" home. Over the Thanksgiving weekend I finally had to face this fact. I accompanied my parents and Elise to THE STORAGE UNIT to retrieve my childhood in 15 gallon Rubbermaid bins and a couple of beat up boxes. It was a very sobering experience. Ever since they were lovingly delivered to our apartment I've been avoiding them. Pushing and sliding them around the apartment but not opening them. Stacking and re-stacking. Finally the other evening I decided to pick the smallest of the bunch and open it. Grades 3-8 bombarded me with photos, birthday cards, programs from ballet recitals and Nutcracker performances, report cards, and my favorite so far...the employment contract (yes you are reading that correctly) that I signed to attend my Magnet elementary school - I was the Postmaster General first semester and the President of my class second semester - which included clauses such as doing my homework in an efficient manner, explanation of the monetary system we used, mall rules and the various positions in our class government. I also found lots of notes and pictures from friends that I am no longer in contact with except through Facebook which really doesn't count. It was very interesting to stir up those memories. This box led me to another of the same size that was stuffed with photos of those same years plus high school. I spent 2 hours looking and organizing photos. Some I disregarded with no feeling, others I had to stare at and recall how I was feeling or what was going on in my life at that frozen moment in time. I also found some love letters from old flames and by some I mean all of them. That's an entry for my journal only.
But looking through all of this stuff really got me thinking of my life right now. How different I am from the girl in those pictures. How that is not Me. I am the person writing this post but when I'm done writing I'll be a different person also. All of my experiences in those boxes contribute to my life experiences but they are not who I am. I am the present. Keeping this mindset is the only way I'll get through the 15 gallon bins.

NaBloPoMo - Day 30 - Till next year

So today is the last day of National Blog Posting Month. I really can't believe November is over. Posting every day wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. I welcomed the challenge of trying to think of something to write about daily and found myself looking forward to taking the time to post. I went back through all my posts for the month and realized that I really enjoy this and I'm kind of funny...kind of. I got to revisit all the events of the month and love that I have a running commentary on what is going on in my life. Posting daily also taught me how to edit my posts...not everything is blog worthy. Writing posts made me want to journal about my personal experiences also. I've never really been a journaler but now I feel like I want to document things so I can look back and reflect on my life and my experiences and so maybe one day my kids can learn from my experiences and know a little bit more about their parents. I would have loved the opportunity to know what my mom was like when she was my age. I bet we are pretty similar. I would probably be best friends with her at age 25 just like I am now.

NaBoPoMo also helped me appreciate all the bloggers blogs that I read regularly who support their families with their writing. The camaraderie and connection that the Internet allows is such a wonderful gift and privilege. But it is strange at the same time. I feel like I KNOW some of these people that I read about daily. I always wonder if I'm ever going to run into Susan from Friday Playdate in the grocery store or at the mall. I would be that really awkward person that gets excited and creepily approaches her and thanks her for her daily humor about being a mother and living in Oklahoma. I'm so inspired by people and proud to be a part of this human family. I don't know who reads this other than my family but I enjoy the outlet it provides.

I'll be posting regularly from now on and next year I'll be participating again in NaBloPoMo. Now I just have to think of my Monthly Self Improvement for Dec.

NaBloPoMo - Day 16

So yesterday I went to see the Oklahoma City University Opera Department perform La Rondine by Puccini. I went by myself at the last minute and I'm so glad I did because the show was sooooo good! The student vocalists were incredible! I had never seen this opera but I'm studying one of the arias from the first act. The show was even more enjoyable because this is the first time I've seen a show and not felt the grip of jealousy with every note. It was lovely to be able to just appreciate the talent of the students and the beauty of the story without a two hour internal monologue of bitterness all the while berating myself about not pursuing my vocal music degree. I sat through both of the intermissions with excitement and anticipation for my recital, getting to hear one of the students in the show sing as a soloist for Canterbury in Dec., and the opportunities that await me as a hobby singer. Clarity and direction are wonderful. It was refreshing to finally witness these new characteristics of mine. I kept thinking...isn't it going to be fun to be a singing attorney...

NaBloPoMo - Day 7

So yesterday I hoped that today would bring me something to write about...

Today I went to an annual Oil & Gas Legal seminar. No big woop. Presentations were great...I want to be an attorney...the usual. Walking out of the seminar for the day, Sara and I were discussing the fact that since we met she started wearing heels because of me. I was so flattered that I inspired some one's love for stilettos that I promptly shoved my signature black Nine West 4 inch black stiletto pumps through the cuff of my NEW suit pants and tumbled down the stair case in the lobby of the Sheridan Hotel. Binder goes flying as does the contents of my purse and my other shoe. So when I finally stop tumbling 4...count them 4... people that had the pleasure of witnessing this acrobatic act helped me get my stuff together. Sara is standing over me holding my shoe that wasn't stuck in my pant cuff with a look of horror on her face all the while trying not to laugh. She thought I had passed out or something...but when she realized that I just don't have the skills to walk down a flight of stairs in public she commenced laughing for the entire walk back to the car. And the chocolate sprinkles on the whole fat whipped cream topping my caramel macchiato was as we were finally exiting the lobby of the hotel a very trucker looking guy yells HEY and holds up a sign that has 10 written on it. REALLY?! He had enough time during the clean up of my Tony worthy performance to find a pen and write 10 on a sheet of paper...

I would have to agree though...it was a perfect 10.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step...

So when something isn't going my way or I'm just feeling a little down I shop. My mother calls it retail therapy. It has a nice ring to it...and it is WAY cheaper than actual therapy to deal with everyday problems. well sometimes it is cheaper. I personally think all therapy or any kind, well except physical therapy if you stick with it, really only brings up deeper issues that in the end keep you in therapy longer and then when your issues are worked out you think you need therapy to cope with the small stuff...this is just my opinion. It is true for retail therapy too.

Here is this weeks inner dialog that lead me to retail therapy:

I miss my family...I should ask for a raise...when should we move to Colorado?...should we move at all?...should I stay here if my company can match my offer in Colorado?...can we afford to finish decorating our apartment?...should I go back to school?...when should I go?...I really love these pants on me!...I can't believe I can fit into these pants...I wonder what else I can fit into...I should go try on dresses at OldNavy...I have no money...I really want a cat (baby)...I need a vacation...we can't afford a vacation...I just want to go to Colorado and see the rents...oooohhh look how good I look in this dress...it is a size SMALL!??!?!...I'll take three...

and here I am again. And of course retail therapy is not covered by heath insurance. Actually under my company's new policy real therapy isn't covered until you've paid out of pocket so either way it would be going on my credit card...or in my case my GAP card. UHHH!!!

But I did get three dresses, two bracelets, a pair of really cute black and gold hoop earrings, and two pairs of chunky heeled pumps - one in purple and the other in grey...I will get good use out of them right? Actually I will. I will probably be wearing them when I go back to therapy. Funny enough I'm wearing an outfit that I bought with mom in July on my last BIG therapy session at Ann Taylor...how ironical...

#32 - Show gratitude daily

Although #32 – Show gratitude daily – isn’t something to “accomplish” I am feeling very gratuitous lately. Not for any particular reason. Nothing fabulous or awful has happened. I am just happy. Satisfied really. Gratuitous. I have wonderful friends who put just as much effort as I do into maintaining a fulfilling and functional relationship. My friendship/marriage is the best it has ever been. I have a wonderful family who supports me what ever I decide to do. I love my job. I just feel great.

I think part of this “awakening” – if you will – has to do with the book “The Power of Now” that I recently finished as part of my August Self Improvement. I think about the message and lessons in this book daily. I feel like I FINALLY get it. It really helped me decipher my true feelings about faith, spirituality, religion, and controlling my mind in my every day life. It is both all about me and all about my relationship with others. Energy. I have control of the energy I project. I have control of the energy I choose to let into my life. The people I hang out with. I won’t judge people for their energy, but if it doesn’t fit into my field I’ll move on.
Forgiveness is key. Immediate forgiveness. Of self, of others, of situations that I do not control and of those I do control but didn’t think through very well.

I’m grateful for my mom for recommending this book. I’m grateful for Tim for putting up with all of the “lectures to myself” that he listens to. I’m grateful for my friends and family for loving me for who I am (even if I’m really really bad at calling people back). I love you all.

Thank you.

Can I Get an AMEN?!?

Some of the buttons sold on the 16th street mall in Denver

Text from Obama's DNC speech last night...all though I was not alive when JFK ran for office all the video and stories and things I've learned about him through out the years...Obama seems to resemble him for my generation.

"But what I will not do is suggest that the Senator takes his positions for political purposes. Because one of the things that we have to change in our politics is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other's character and patriotism.

The times are too serious, the stakes are too high for this same partisan playbook. So let us agree that patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain. The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and Independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America - they have served the United States of America.

So I've got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first.

America, our work will not be easy. The challenges we face require tough choices, and Democrats as well as Republicans will need to cast off the worn-out ideas and politics of the past. For part of what has been lost these past eight years can't just be measured by lost wages or bigger trade deficits. What has also been lost is our sense of common purpose - our sense of higher purpose. And that's what we have to restore.

We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don't tell me we can't uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals. I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. Passions fly on immigration, but I don't know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers. This too is part of America's promise - the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort.

I know there are those who dismiss such beliefs as happy talk. They claim that our insistence on something larger, something firmer and more honest in our public life is just a Trojan Horse for higher taxes and the abandonment of traditional values. And that's to be expected. Because if you don't have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare the voters. If you don't have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from.

You make a big election about small things.

And you know what - it's worked before. Because it feeds into the cynicism we all have about government. When Washington doesn't work, all its promises seem empty. If your hopes have been dashed again and again, then it's best to stop hoping, and settle for what you already know.
I get it. I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don't fit the typical pedigree, and I haven't spent my career in the halls of Washington.

But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's been about you.
For eighteen long months, you have stood up, one by one, and said enough to the politics of the past. You understand that in this election, the greatest risk we can take is to try the same old politics with the same old players and expect a different result. You have shown what history teaches us - that at defining moments like this one, the change we need doesn't come from Washington. Change comes to Washington. Change happens because the American people demand it - because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time.

America, this is one of those moments."

I don't care what what people's politics are I just encourage them to be knowledgeable about both sides. I watched all the key note speeches from the DNC and I intend to watch all the key notes next week at the Republican Convention. The nomination of Sarah Palin is very interesting and I'm looking forward to seeing the match up of Palin vs Biden.

All I'm saying is educate yourself and make your vote mean something.

vacation recovery

Vegas was awesome. Much more than I expected. I think going with my besties for my first Vegas experience made it that much better. We played hard and partied hard. Apparently too hard for me. I'm home sick. Strep Throat.

Do adults get Strep? I guess this one does. I remember getting this when I was in middle and high school but I don't remember it being this miserable. Uhhh!

When I'm feeling a little more up to it I'll make a longer post about the trip. I surprisingly didn't do most of the picture taking so I also have to wait for the girls to post their pics.

And now back to the couch for the afternoon programming...

the name

although a name or a label shouldn't define people...with a nickname like Germ i can't help but run with it...